‘Another negative pregnancy test. … Another reminder … we cannot get pregnant.’
'Another negative pregnancy test. ... Another reminder ... we cannot get pregnant.'
- A woman posted a picture of her negative pregnancy test on Instagram after 1,200 days of trying to conceive.
- Tara Engelberg wrote an incredibly moving and emotional caption about how hard infertility is, and it’s resonated with women around the world.
- “I wish there were adequate words to express the deep heartache and frustration of infertility because my words never seem to do justice to all the heaviness in my heart,” she wrote.
A woman has won praise for sharing a picture of her negative pregnancy test online after trying to conceive for nearly 1,200 days.
Holistic nutrition therapist Tara Engelberg, 33, posted the image on Instagram alongside a heartfelt and moving post about her infertility struggles.
“Another negative pregnancy test. Another period. Another reminder that for whatever reason, we cannot get pregnant,” she wrote.
“I sometimes wish there was a video camera to show the nightmare that is infertility,” she wrote. “How after the first sighting of a new period that I somehow have to muster up the courage to tell my husband that once again, we won’t be pregnant this month.
“It’s a scene all too familiar in my home. It is a scene that is followed by grief and utter heartbreak. Where my husband and I hold each other close as we mourn this unbearable journey.
“It is the part where we allow ourselves to release our pain and then try to figure out how we are going to pick ourselves back up and get through this. It is the part where I wipe away my tears, put on fresh makeup, and then go back out into the world and act like we haven’t been bruised and broken from this fight.”
Infertility is described as the inability for couples of reproductive age to conceive after a year of trying, according to the World Health Organization.
Engelberg and her husband, who are based in Denver, have been trying to conceive naturally for over three years, and the “mama in waiting” has been documenting her journey on Instagram to raise awareness about the process and how hard it is.
“After each negative pregnancy test, I somehow gather the courage and the hope to try again,” she wrote. “But after nearly 1200 days of trying, something inside changes. That hope that used to flow through my body so powerfully diminishes a little more each month.”
Engelberg explained that she was now at a point where she would start undergoing medical procedures in the hope of getting pregnant:
“After this failed cycle, we have come to understand that our next step will require needles, hormones, and meds I cannot even pronounce. It is the step that requires even more physical, emotional, and financial strength. It is the step we were praying we would never need, but we are so grateful to have.
“But the truth is we are tired and we are drained. We are emotionally exhausted and scared out-of-our-minds. We never thought becoming parents would be this hard, and we never imagined our mountain to climb would be so large.
“I wish there were adequate words to express the deep heartache and frustration of infertility because my words never seem to do justice to all the heaviness in my heart. All I know is that nobody deserves this struggle, this fight. I have to believe there is a reason for this journey, and that somehow it will all be alright.”
The incredibly emotional message hit home with many women, and after being shared on Instagram by Motherly, Engelberg received messages of support from all over the world.
“My heart is breaking for you and for the mommas who are at this point,” wrote Amber Walgamott. “We struggled so much after our miscarriage and literally two days before putting in an adoption application I got pregnant.
“Praying it’s fast and that you have a network of support and that what you are feeling and going through is real. So cry your tears and scream girl but you are stronger than you even know every time you pick yourself up off the floor.”
Many shared their own stories.
“It took us 7 years of negative pregnancy tests and 1 positive test that ended in a miscarriage,” commented Yara Bistrain. “I was approaching my 40th birthday and finally came to terms with the fact that we would not have kids.
“I truly think it was the relief I gave myself to just accept our current state at that time that let me conceive. I was shocked since it wasn’t planned but that’s how life seems to work.”
In a later post, Engelberg said that knowing she wasn’t alone was hugely comforting.
“I have deeply felt your love, and I also see your pain,” she said. “So many of you are also on this emotional journey, and I want you to know that I’m with you, and I’m here to support you, too.”
She continued: “I am grateful beyond words for your encouragement. Thank you for showing me that love overshines fear and that together, we are stronger, we are better.”
Tara Engelberg did not immediately respond to Insider’s request for further comment.